Ain't Life Wonderful!

 Ronnie Witcher OMG that itches! I says with agony written on my face and chiggers burrowed in my ankles and all the way up to my waist. I was scratching myself mercilessly to the point I was getting raw. The little buggers had got me after spending all day last Saturday in the yard and El Rancho Not So Grande hacienda. 

“I know there's a tube of that anti-itch stuff around here somewhere; there was 2 or 3 tubes of it here last summer” I says to wife Debbie. She continued to do whatever she was doing in the kitchen-ignoring my pain. The worst of it was where they had crawled up my legs to...well, you know. It itched so bad and I scratched so much I was raw. As I rummaged through a cabinet I finally spotted something that said it was help for diabetics with tingling sensations. H-m-m, “that's sorta like itching”, I thought. So I grabbed the bottle of lotion-like stuff and squirted out a handful and lathered it on. It only took a few seconds for me to know that was a mistake. Whoo-hoo, that lit me up! On Fire!!! I was running around the house in my underwear saying, “Holy cow, what was in that stuff?” Soon the house wasn't big enough and I headed out the front door, ran around the house screaming like a banshee. The back yard chickens took off, flapping their wings and Debbie's lap dog, Kayla, was yapping and chasing behind me as I rounded the corners. Debbie came to the front porch and said, “What's wrong with you?” I stopped long enough to tell her and her only comment before she walked back in the house was, “Idiot.” Well, we live and learn. Be careful those unfamiliar bottles in the cabinet, and get yourself some bug spray. The chiggers are out. Have a good weekend. We're rootin' for ya! RW